Things That are Terrifying

Oh, where to start.

1. My dirty counters. Thanks, Method!
2. The practice round of cupcakes for a baby shower next week. My mother referred to them as "cyanotic boobies." Nice.
3. That I PRACTICE cupcakes. Hey, too much free time! Hey, unfulfilled creative impulse! Hey, WEIRD, STEPFORD SELF. Jesus.
4. Pamphlet for pre-school. Pre-school. Pre-school? I was just pregnant five seconds ago.

T and I went to an orientation for new parents at a local school that offers Pre-3 programs. There is no public school option, so we are going a different route. The teacher seems great, the room looks very fun and safe. It is all fine. Except, he's my BABY. He's a teeny baby that I want home with me forever suddenly. I'm sure that T and the teacher wanted to either hug me or slug me while I kept talking about how I believe in respecting his limits, and how he'll be a young three and did I mention that he's my BABY, MY ONLY BABY.

Truly, it isn't a thing that will even start for seven more months. I just feel so unprepared. I just think that I need to remember how quickly this time when it was just us, just our routine, just our 3 person kingdom has gone. Seven more months.

Slap me if I wish them away.

Green(ery)

Here is a not at all posed block tower fiasco for your viewing pleasure.

I'm so bummed out. I have let all my old, toxicish cleaning supplies run out so I could switch to the non-toxic, planet friendlier Method line. I was so excited to clean everything yesterday, using rags instead of paper towels, mops instead of Swiffers. It was cleaning taken to a whole new level- cleaning that would make the world better, too! Yayyyy, cleaning!

But here's the thing. I MISS my pine-fresh poison. It works better, and makes everything shiny and pretty. It allows me to walk into a room and be ASSAULTED by the ammonia freshness of it all. I am not going to rush out and buy the old stuff, I'm going to try and get used to the stuff that I now have. But I'm making the change kicking and screaming, and with not-so-shiny floors, countertops and bathrooms. I'd consider breaking in to my neighbors houses to get a sniff fix off of their Pine-Sol or Windex, but they use the crappy Method stuff, too.

Man, Kermit the Frog had it so right.

GRRRRR.

Always Okay

I had it all planned out. I was going to write a big ol' whinefest about what a tough slog it has been here at Casa A since October. The miscarriage, the worse-than-we-thought shoulder injury and the subsequent time off T has had to take, the teeny little disappointments that have left fissures and fault lines all over our hearts lately.

But there is this. This time with our family. These laughs and miracles that remind me that not much else should matter. So not much else does.

Everything is wonderful. Even when it isn't.

Are You Ready for Some Football?

We JUST KNOW that they are going to beat those stupid Patriots. They better, or T may cry harder than that big baby T.O.

This one's for you, Colin and Brendan. Remember when Brendan wished that all hats were Charger hats? Good times, good times.

Snippets

I wonder if I'll forget how Johnny's vocabulary exploded seemingly overnight this winter. It is amazing how we've gone from isolated words here and there, to full-on sentences. It is mostly wonderful, but sometimes I hear my own words coming from that sweet child's mouth and then I want to DIE.

Last week in the car: "Oh, Jesus. JESUS, JESUS JEEEEESUS." This was particularly fun, as we were in the car with T's Nona.

Yesterday, after a spontaneous walk to the park: "Hi, mama. I fun walka park, sanks!" Of course, before we could hustle out the door to catch the remaining sunshine I tried to put his shoes on: "I too busy, mama."

This morning, while getting some milk out of the refrigerator: "Wow, you strong, mama! Good job!"

Also this morning, as heard over the monitor: "I get up! Mama! Daddy! Turn fan off? Get up? Get up wight now. I so hungry! I so firsty! I SO MAD. Get up wiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhht nooooooooooowwwww."

He's really big on telling his loved ones to be careful. "Be careful drivin' Unca Bince!" "Bye, grama! Be careful!"

Far and away though my favorite is what he tells his father after their good-night kiss. "JUICY, daddy!"

He's the best kid!

My Most Faithful Readers

Here are my favorite guys.

So, starting the better eating plan went off pretty well today. I already feel better, although I wouldn't say no to an entire french silk pie if it magically landed in my lap right now. That may be the root of the problem. There is nothing I would say no to when it comes to the wonders of dessert. I love it, and don't give me that one bite garbage. The last bite tastes the same as the first bite, this is true, but if the first bite tastes wonderful, why stop there? Eat the whole fucking thing, I say- and seconds and thirds if they are available!

So I will omit it entirely for awhile. Making tea is a thing that really helps me out during the first few days of a diet. The physical act of water, mug, teabag, steep and stir seems to distract me from the fridge forage that is a regular, constant activity during the hours after Johnny's bedtime. I know that hardcore WW's will remind me that it is not a diet. What they may not understand is that the alternative is french fries dipped in ranch paired with a chocolate cake shake, so YES IT IS. Will I never be overjoyed to tuck in to a plate of steamed vegetables and a sensible lean protein? Probably not. Will I do it? Why yes, and I'll call it a diet if I want to.

Also helpful is the fact that Johnny and I are back in the swing of things today. New classes began, and we'll be out of the house Monday-Thursday. I always say that I'm done with the Park District classes, but I just need for us to have a full schedule. I don't do well if I have to improvise our days. Left to our own devices, we'd OD on Noggin and wear only jammies. Structure is my friend.

Let us hope that the growling of my stomach won't wake Johnny tonight.

Begin Again

So here it is, the beginning of a new year, and my butt is bigger than North America. AGAIN. So my resolutions are simple. Simple and often made.


I wish food and I could have a nice, normal relationship, but we don't. We have a love you till it hurts thing going on instead. I'm going back to WW, but I'm also going to concentrate on eating real food, mostly plants, and not a lot.

Tim told me about that theory over a couple of Big Macs at the last crazy club. Ironic! Sick! No surprise that I'm hippo-sized!


I was going to do Medifast this time because I feel totally disgusting and quite uncomfortable, but I don't feel like that is going to help me repair my habits. Honestly I spend half the time thinking that WW doesn't really repair them either, as I'm always scrambling around to find the biggest portion with the fewest amount of points, but it is a better eating plan in the long run.


Oh, I hate that I find myself here again. While I know it isn't hopeless, it sure does feel like the definition of insanity, you know? I hope I feel better after a few days of clean eating.


Happy FREAKING New Year.

Happy New Year!

It only took me one hundred years to remember how to upload the video that I was never going to get tired of posting.

It may take me a few days to get back into the swing of things blog-wise, but I have resolved to bore the internet on a more regular basis this year. I think it helps me get over my damn self in a more expedient manner. If December is any judge, I need to work on the whole expeditious thing. It got pretty ugly around here this last week. We're working on it.

Here's Mr. Personality. He doesn't bore the internet. He also may dance like Mary Katharine Gallagher, but we love him anyway!