I Miss This

I thought I quit.

I may actually have quit, I'm not going to decide. I just think it's silly to keep writing baby going, when the baby has been replaced by the boy genius T and I live with. Sometimes it hurts to even hear the word baby these days.

Not often, but sometimes. See, we never really made up our minds about more babies. We would flip and flop, go back and forth and ultimately have the universe kick us in our teeth. The universe seems to think that we don't need teeth OR any more babies.

On October 17th I had an endometrial ablation and a tubal ligation. The non-reversible, burn 'em off kind of tubal ligation. My doctor shares the view of the universe in regards to babies and me. She also just wanted me to stop having suckthelifeoutofyou wonder if you need to go to the ER because you may be hemorrhaging periods that I've had for so long. She first suggested the procedure in June and brought it up again September after one of those disgusting, scary ER trips. So we decided to just do it. Okay, universe? WE GOT THE HINT. There are days when I think about never having another tiny person to cuddle and love and get it all the way right with, and there are days when I think about never having another tiny person scream at me for a reason I can't discern at all kinds of ungodly hours. So it goes.

Ultimately, I chose being my best self, my healthiest, strongest self for the two people that make waking up in the morning a great idea. I chose it, and I choose it.

I always will.

Hello, Slacker!

What? I've been really busy.

The Boy:

Turned three! What the hell? Why does it go so fast? I can't believe how big-boy he is, how smart he is, how funny, etc. He can be counted on to go pee-pee in the potty at least 35% of the time, which is.... um, great. (Zen, I am zen). This summer, he went to a day camp program dubbed "big-boy school," and he loved it. In fact, I don't know which one of us loved it more, but everybody won, all summer long. He is starting pre-preschool on September 8, and he'll be going three days a week. Hopefully the fall routine will be as big a success as the summer one was.

The Author:

No complaints, here. I was able to work out with my old trainer this summer while John was at school which was so good for me. I'm trying to get healthier- I had a little wake-up call this spring in the form of an elevated cholesterol. With my genetic factor there is no way I'll be able to continue abusing food and drink the way I have without real consequences, so I'm really trying to rein it all in. I'm also trying to like it. It can't be temporary for me anymore, so I may as well find a real, workable way to eat. I still have my crazy job, though I'm not loving it quite as much. The store I started in was closed, so I transferred to a new one. It hasn't been long, and I usually hate all change, so maybe I'll love it again soon. I hope I do.

The Life:

All good. We've done so much stuff this summer! We lived at the pool, hit all the local outdoor attractions, saw some baseball games, (not the Cubbies, we're saving that for next summer), took a little city vacation. We're so lucky!

Ringing Endorsements

Right. So, one month later finds our hero without his cast. He's running around like nothing ever happened, much like he did while the cast was on, really.

I don't know if I would have posted tonight without having the FUNNIEST VIDEO ever to share. I'm not feeling super bloggy lately. Perhaps it's the (mostly) nice weather, or that I am working part time now, and keeping up with the hip kids is so time consuming. I constantly need to sharpen my text-to-english translations, and listen to the intricate details of what happened at the club last night and why. It sounds like I am making fun of them. I am, but only a little, because they deserve it. I truly enjoy working with them though.

We haven't figured out how to manage my time away from the house yet. It seems like we don't have enough time together or enough time to keep the laundry done. I also haven't figured out how to stop adding to our laundry woes by not buying new things with my awesome! discount! Hint: It's not that awesome when it's been abused to the max. I've chalked it up to a steep learning curve, and have resolved to stopityoubigidiot. By you I mean me, of course. There is a lingering disappointment that I remain enamoured of all things material. And that the learning curve has to always be this steep. A fall from that high can kill you, you know?

Good thing that we have plenty of levity: Here is my beautiful, amazing, wonderful and hilarious Rowan. She's making her godmother REAL PROUD.

Boot. Purple. So?

He doesn't miss a beat, this kid. It's so amazing.

Fractured

His tibia, that is. He began to walk again late yesterday albeit with a terrible limp, right before our appointment with the ortho. Of course we went anyway. She watched him limp around for awhile, took a look at it and said that while she didn't need an x-ray to tell her what was wrong, she'd do it regardless. She was AWESOME. She instantly put me at ease- we've really been beating ourselves up this week for not knowing if we should push the walking issue, not knowing if we were coddling him, not knowing if his response to pain was entirely accurate. (It sounds really shitty to say that you wondered if your kid was faking it, but here you go: I WONDERED IF MY KID WAS FAKING IT). Sue me. The ortho told me that toddlers don't know how to fake it. They don't know how to limp or quit walking just for effect. So now I have something else to feel shitty about! Whew! I was worried I had run out of things.

So he picked purple from the ring of colors they showed him, and was pretty tough throughout the whole casting process.

He's already walking on it. He rules.

The Sprained Ankle Series

Johnny sprained his ankle yesterday.

Here he is sporting a big ol' ace wrap and a smile:

We are doing ice and elevation, tylenol and fervent prayer that there are no breaks to his growth plate. I guess that wouldn't become apparent for 10 days or so. Meanwhile, I am reminding myself that his mobility really changed life in a good, good way. It is hard work to carry him around all day.

Not that he WANTS me to carry him, that I have to pisses him off, really. He hasn't figured out a way to get himself around without hitting a sore spot on the ankle, and it obviously hurts a great deal. It would be funny to watch him try to scootch around if it didn't cause him such pain and frustration. I'm glad it isn't broken, and that he didn't fall in a way that would have caused some other, scarier injury- but it still bites, let's be honest. When we got home from the ER last night, I totally thought he'd wake up and be fine this morning. HAH! He didn't. Do I think he will be magically fine tomorrow morning? Why yes, I do.

SHUT UP. It's called survival. There are only so many books we can read , leap pad buttons we can push, and shows we can sit around and watch. My boy likes to run around. This is hard on him.

A blip, but a hard one. Wish us luck.

Fabulous

Guess what I did?

I GOT A JOB. A JOB, WHERE I WORK, AND THEY PAY ME. I work, at my job where I work.

I'm so freaking excited about my retail job, I could puke. You would puke if you saw my first paycheck, which I got on Friday- but I don't care! I have a job, where I work. Maybe they only sort of pay me, but STILL.

I should have done this such a long time ago. It is so nice to dress in clothes that won't be used as napkins/tissues/garbage receptacles for a whole four (or more)hours, and wear makeup and cute shoes. I spend four (or more) hours talking to other grown-ups. They aren't grown-ups that I have much in common with, because I am OLD but I still don't care. I leave the house, and I'm only in charge of myself! I don't have to take any diapers or sippy cups or tiny trains, cars, hats, strollers or snacks! I get to miss my boy for a little while, and this is a really good thing for us.

Whoo! Hoo!

In other news, it is Easter and Johnny has discovered a deep, unabiding love of jellybeans. His diaper tomorrow may look like an episode of Rainbow Brite. Hopefully I'll miss it, because I'll be busy. WORKING. At my job.

This week T was on vacation, and we had a lot of fun. We painted, cleaned the attic, went to IKEA. What? That is too fun. We also took Johnny to see Horton Hears a Who. He loved it. For about 28 minutes. Then he started whispering that he wanted to go home. He made it for another 30 before the yelling began. Then he leaned forward in the aisle, shouted "Looks at all these guys watching the biiiiig edaphant! That's kinda funny!" Then we left. Maybe next year he'll be ready for movies. It snowed all night on Good Friday, so there were no egg hunts outside for us, but T did hide a few in the house. If they didn't have jellybeans in them, they were a big ol' bust.

I spent a LOT of time cuddling baby Kathryn today. She is like a tiny little Ambien wrapped in an electric blanket. It was the highlight of the day. Tomorrow's highlights will likely include using the new bubble machine that the Easter Bunny brought for Johnny and convincing him that no, there aren't any more jellybeans in the house. Then? I'll be off to my job. Where I work.