Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Not Yet a Woman, Yaddayaddayadda

I'll just bust right out with it.

I feel sorry for her.

Does this make me a sucker? I mean, I don't think she's a shoo-in for mom of the year or anything, but honestly, neither am I. So color me grateful that there aren't a pack of photographers documenting my every move. My gratitude may have something to do with my fashion and grooming, true- but it also has something to do with the fact that shit happens.

Shit does not happen when it comes to carseats, that isn't what I'm saying. But I think there are a lot of moms who have been there. You're baby is wailing, your instincts are screaming at you to do something. Now. Right now. That something doesn't have to be drive around with your baby on your lap, I grant you. Johnny rides in his seat, facing the rear of our car. He has fallen asleep and pitched forward once or twice. I have in two extreme cases, removed him from his seat for a short amount of time while someone else was behind the wheel. This was not a popular choice. Shit happens.

This recent furor? This one? Dang. I walk out of our house with a diaper bag, my purse, my keys, and my baby in my arms. I haven't tripped, but it doesn't mean I won't ever. I hope I don't, but I also hope that if I ever do we'll be okay and we won't be surrounded by flash-popping jackals either way.

There was a moment last Friday night when I was giving Johnny his bath. We'd eaten dinner over at our neighbor's house, and I had a couple of nervous breakdowns while we were there. I was kind of.... weaving around during the bedtime marathon. In my quest to take the edge off, I had inadvertantly become a bolster is what I'm saying, here. Things like this don't happen often in our house, but they happen. It just doesn't end up in US Magazine.

Britney Spears is young and she CLEARLY undermarried. She is pregnant again, so soon after the birth of her son, she is followed night and day by folks who want to make a buck catching her just being human. Perhaps she should cease and desist on the persistant thong exposure and avoid the black bra, white shirt combo. Perhaps she should check out better concealer. She should absolutely just chew gum or something every time she gets the urge to post a poem on her website. Perhaps we should all give her a break.

It is a long, graceless adjustment for some of us, this mothering business. But we've got our anonymity to protect us. I am so hard on myself, especially when it comes to taking care of John. I can't imagine facing the nation on the parenting choices I've made in these short nine months. Ugh.

Oooh, it's all sudsy up here, now.

And let me go ahead and give you what you're REALLY here for:

DIG the fake smile! He has decided that is the quickest, most painless way to make mommy move the silver box away from her face. Do you think he must know EXACTLY how Britney feels?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, I agree with you to a certain point....but as you also know, I have an unused blog titled "judgemental biatch". So...

I guess I feel like, sure, we all make mistakes, blah, blah, blah, but what irritates me about Britney is that if she wanted to, she could invest in a limo driver (to help her get away from the paparrazi - and I could invest in spellcheck). I imagine she has lots of "help". And while that doesn't solve all one's problems, it does make it so that she has to be "on" less than the average mom. Britney could have someone come and give her parenting lessons, babyproof her home, etc... Who knows? Maybe she's already done all this, and what we see is actually the new and improved ma brit.

I don't know. I just wish she wasn't a role model for so many young girls. Because, while none of us are perfect, I don't see many other moms being so blatant about it.

And I had to laugh at your term "undermarried". I think I am going to try and use that 5 times in normal conversation during the next week. Wish me luck!


That baby, as usual, is just freaking adorable!!!!

10:50 PM  
Blogger Nancy said...

I once walked into a grocery store on a rainy day, (back when you had to bring your carseat without a handle into the store so you had SOMEWHERE to put the baby who can't yet sit up) with Jon in the seat and went flying. It was kind of like being on a slip-n-slide. I'm happy to say that I kept the carseat upright and the only thing hurt was my pride, but I can't imagine the humiliation if the incident was in living color video all over the internet. I feel sorry for Britney in a "geez, get your shit together, wouldja?" kind of way. And p.s. - Johnny is really starting to look like you did as a baby! He is just too cute.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I meant what you said...just in a much more long winded way ;)

Believe me, I've tripped outside on the sidewalk with each of my kids when they were under 3 months old and I was wearing them in the sling. THey both had abrasions on the backs of their perfectly round, fuzzy little heads :(

So I understand, mistakes happen.

6:56 AM  
Blogger Lynne said...

I'm glad you brought this up because I have been thinking about poor Brit. And I would like to point out that she is always photographed With her child. Not a nanny with her kid, but her. So in my book, she gets extra points. There are several things that I would Not want in print nationally, such as the time Colin fell off the arm of the chair and bonked his head on our hardwood floors...had to wake him up every hour that night to make sure all circuits were firing. I did Not want to make that call to the Dr's office...but at least it was just between us.
But enough about me - Johnny is So cute! I wish I could just give that boy a hug and a kiss. Will you do the honors please?

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Britney said...

Thanks ladies I was really feeling like I was a horrible mom. Good to see I'm not the only one that messes up. Thanks for sharing.

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can I get an autograph?

2:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


are you ever tempted to moderate your comments? :P

2:54 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

I completely agree on the "Britney deserving a break already" thing. I was wondering the other day why her mother, who has found the time to tell the press that she "recommended against having more children with Federline" and on other occasions that "she talks with Britney about her marriage" (paraphrasing on both) has not been able to find the timme to talk to her daughter instead. You know, to do what moms do best and give advice? a little help maybe? Sheesh.

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Claudia said...

No kidding.
But, she has had to go through a lot of hard mistakes: the baby drop from high chair, the 'on the lap', the wrong way facing car seat, the tripping (I understand it happens, but it specially happens if you're wearing platforms and REALLY long pants), and finaly, the diaper changing on the Victoria's Secret floor.
Again, thank God for a nice, calm, and NORMAL life.

3:23 PM  

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