Doors and Windows

Today was not the greatest for being a mom.

First, there was a crossed signal at playgroup resulting in some MAJOR hurt feelings on my part. The full moon and all that it... uh... brings probably played no small part in why I couldn't get my self composed enough before Johnny and I walked into our Toddler Time class. I managed to fake it well enough for the first 15 minutes or so, but then buddy was on the bad end of a push to the chest and ended up splitting his head open on the leg of a table.

Cue the bleeding, swelling, crying and chaos.

Well. I just lost my shit right there in the middle of the freaking Kaleidoscope room. Awesome. I cried- and cried hard enough that I wasn't able to talk for about 3 minutes. I happen to LOVE the mom of the little girl that pushed Johnny. She is wonderful and totally cool. She thought I was crying simply because of the incident, but it was more like a combination of too many incidents in a too short amount of time. I am still hoping, eight hours after the fact, that I managed to convince her of this. I am still wondering if Toddler Time will have to go the way of Open Gym because clearly I am having a hard time learning how to just go ahead and act right.

Yes, my kid was hurt. Yes, I am a little worn down the past few months. But for the love of GOD, to cry in a room full of toddlers and their parents seems so unnecessary.

I love the fact that I take Johnny to so many classes and play dates. I am proud of it. Because it means to me that I am doing a good job. Doing my best. On these gray days and weeks and months when I want nothing more than to hole up in our warm house, watching mindless television and wearing pajamas I do the COMPLETE OPPOSITE because it is healthier for both of us. Because it means I'm not giving up.

I am bummed that even the right choices become tainted by my seasonal affected spirit.

HOWEVER.

I will get up tomorrow and I will try again. Every day I will try again to not let what I know is meaningless be meaningful. I will do my best.

Or, I will call Meredith Viera and ask her to babysit. She can even drink some of our Amstel Light.