Information Dump

I don't know if I want a record of this or not, but here goes:

I am pregnant. Not very pregnant, but pregnant. My numbers are low and I am spotting, so tomorrow's bloodwork results will be revealing. Fuck, I hope they will be, anyway. Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'll know anything more than I do now when I get the news. The not knowing drives me INSANE. I'm amazed by my need for control and humbled by the lack thereof. Humbled and INSANE.

You know it is funny. For a long time, I thought it was the first twelve weeks of pregnancy that my body sucked at. Now, knowing that it is really the whole freaking forty? I confess I'm a little baffled by why this seemed like such a good idea.

So, we are doing the back and forth. Half the time I want this to work out so bad it is scary, and half the time I feel almost greedy. I'm so happy with the way things are! Why tempt fate?

Johnny is sick right now with an ear/eye infection and the barfs, and I suspect that he planned this diversion because he loves me too much to let me worry. What a guy! I told S before the barfing began that I'd take puke over a constantly oozing eye, and I stand by my statement. The oozing eye really has finely distinguished my threshold for gross. When he wakes up with it all matted together and crusty? I long for a poopy diaper or a big ol' heave to take the focus away from the GIANT, OOZY EYE. Seriously, this is the worst.

I have to give the kid props for his good attitude, though. This afternoon, (pre-barf, post first dose of magic, I mean, antibiotics), he ran back and forth about thirty different times between his book cabinet and the bed I was laying on to give me a book. It was all:

patpatpatpatpatpatpat
"Here you go, mama. Okay!"
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"Here you go, mommy. Keypu!" (Thank-You).
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"Here you go, mom! Ooookay! Keypu! Welcome!" (The MANNERS on this kid, I swear).
patpatpatpatpatpatpat

It went on for a long time. Long enough to remind me that everything is navigable. Everything.