Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing

A song about how to be the biggest fucking whiner on the planet.

I'm totally qualified.

I'm very bluesy lately, and for no good reason, really. I mean, we got such good news at the doctor yesterday- about how well the baby is doing, how well I am responding to Brethine and bedrest, how realistic a goal 34 weeks is. So what the hell is my problem?

Well, I still hate bedrest, I can feel my muscles becoming more and more atrophied every hour. I also hate being the reason anyone is worried, or overworked, and my pregnancy complications have definitely resulted in people feeling that way. I can't stand the irrational anger I feel whenever someone tells me that this will all "be worth it." I think maybe I was spared the belly rub by a stranger because this was to become my pregnancy pet peeve. S put it most eloquently when she told me that without a baby to hold in my arms right now, there was no way for me to know that someday this will all seem like no big deal. She's confident I will feel that way when I see him, but she understands why I'm struggling presently.

There are other things, but I just don't want to record or remember them. They are the things that I already know won't matter in the long run. The things that shouldn't even matter now.

I told T yesterday that I have moments when I am really sad that it won't be just the two of us anymore. I debated being ashamed of myself for saying it, even feeling it-- but I'm really not. Maybe it's natural, and it's definitely the truth, so what the hell. He said that he thinks we'll become even closer than we are now, that although he's always thought of the two of us as a family, he's amazed that we have created a whole other person that is half of both of us to add to the good thing we've got goin' on in our house.

I hope that Baby A is a lot like his father. His mom is okay, but his dad is greatness. Greatness.

I mean, I guess it would be okay if he inherited my sense of style, my singing voice and my talent for spelling.

Everything else? Should come from T's calm, cool and collected genes.


Post a Comment

<< Home