Thursday, January 19, 2006

Vision Check

I suppose I should have known. Somehow, in retrospect it seems so ridiculous that I didn't know. But I mean, in my defense, nobody tells you these things. At least I don't remember anyone telling me. Would I remember? I feel like I would remember.

I learn everyday that nothing is the way it used to be. I feel things, sense things and perceive things in a totally different way. Everything I come into contact with is now sent through the "hey, I am somebody's mother" filter.

Fore example, like everyone else in the world right now, I am reading A Million Little Pieces. Because I am nosy, because I am a masochist, because I had to do something while sitting around in a jury waiting room all damn day. I like it, I guess, but this isn't really a book report- it's about how someday my sweet baby boy might grow up, break my heart by taking a lot of drugs, and write a book with Unusual Capitalization.

It's the first thing that comes to mind whenever anything happens now. Something good? Hey! Johnny might do that someday! Something bad? Oh shit, what if John does that?

I have to say, it's kind of a buzzkill.

I signed up for this. I decided to spend the rest of my life wanting only good for a teeny tiny human being who will only be teeny tiny for so long and who just might not give a shit what I want for him.

Like I said. Buzzkill. So, let's make with the cute baby shots!



Oh. He turns me into the biggest dork! I sing stupid songs, write stupid things online and hurt my face with all the smiling. I hope he never breaks my heart with Unusual Capitalization, but I will love him even if he does.

Even if he does. That just blows me away.

2 Comments:

Blogger Nancy said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Lynne said...

Kelly-
My personal favorite is imagining what I'd do if....oh, for example -I was the mom in the parked car at the gas station near the airport, when the airplane was coming off the runway and I had to get two kids out of car seats or be crushed.....
But thanks for the heads-up on additional ways I can torture myself.
Ain't it grand? Oh and just to return the favor, it doesn't go away.
Lots of love, Lynne :)

1:18 PM  

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